Crappy Customers and Coffee Karma

Having just worked an exorbitant amount of hours this past week i have had it with crappy coffee customers. Thus i have decided to write a post with a few guidelines for anyone who has, or will, be ordering coffee. If you follow these not only will you get good coffee karma but we in the hospitality industry who serve you will be forever grateful. If you choose to ignore them be prepared for hostile staff, crappy coffee and the possibility of getting scalded.

*NEVER ask why your coffee is taking so long.

*If you want skinny milk you are not allowed any sugar, cakes or biscuits.

*If you don't take your allocated number we will not deliver your order.

*NEVER request a change in the music, particularly country, progressive jazz or gospel.

*You are only allowed decaf if you provide a relevant medical certificate.

*NEVER order from the barista - they're creatures of high caffeine and low tolerance and may bite, or just throw hot coffee at you.

*None of the girls are single or desperate. Please treat accordingly.

A few things I'd just like to add as a footnote: A latte with no foam is exactly the same as a flat white. If you ask for a long black don't make a fuss when you see water being added to the shot, that's what a long black is, a short black with more water. If you want your coffee extra hot don't complain about the milk being burnt, that's the only way to make the coffee hotter than we normally serve it.

Thank you and i hope this is helpful.
PS. Feel free to tip generously, we always remember who does and who doesn't.

Kisses, L