**Warning: The following contents of this post is generally explicit in language and imagery, and if not alludes to explicit and adult behaviour. If this in any way will offend you please do not read on.
For the rest of you: Enjoy!
After a rather interesting, and definately fun conversation in the library with the girls (namely Maya and Chox) at uni today i decided our subject needed a post dedicated to it. We were talking about dirty talk, more precisely dirty text messages and creating examples of these - both from personal experience and from our imaginations. I will now put up some of the fruits of our labour. This post is merely for your amusement but feel free to take said fruits and use them yourself, or add your own examples or what has worked for you or what you would like to work for you.
I can't wait to explore every inch of you with my tounge... inside and out.
I want you to slide your hard manhood into my gasping va-jay-jay.
The thought of your body initiates such a visceral response in my body that i can barely stop myself from losing control.
Dear (insert name here), i can't wait to tear all your clothes off with my teeth and feel your warm body pressed against mine.
I can't wait to put my hands on your body and feel your breath quicken and your skin shiver at my touch.
I love the feel of your warm breath on my neck and your hands on my body making my underware damp (alternative ending: making me wet and dripping with sauce).
I shiver at the memory of the warmth of your tounge between my legs last night.
Meet me in the toilets/storeroom/house in 15mins...
I keep fantasising about how i'm going to slam you against a wall and penetrate your body over nad over until i unleash a spunk storm all over your body.
And to end on a classic:
Hey Boxy, let's get wet 'n' shit. I wanna suck you down like a muthafucka. My knob is priming for some A grade box.
Thankyou.
Kisses, L.
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25 comments:
Uhhh, Leah---I don't know which conversation you were involved in but those are A LOT cleaner than the ones we were coming up with...
Certainly, you've omitted the majority of the ones pertaining to the expulsion/ingestion of bodily fluids...EXCEPT of course for Chox's spunk storm. *shudder*
And someone really ought to tell Andre that his Boxy message is now legend in our group...such a dirty boy that one was!
M
xoxo
OH and let's not forget the always direct:
I have a thirst, a thirst for crotch.
Seriously though, I'm not a huge fan of the filthy text message. Sure a well-crafted saucy one can put you on edge (in a good way) for the rest of the day but a truly nasty piece of filth (ala Andre) isn't really all that arousing. I mean, no girl wants to be told that a guy wants to actually hurt her (Svet may disagree with me here).
'Punish' is fine, as is 'teach you a lesson', but the promise to inflict serious physical pain or emotional degradation is just not hot!
Call me old fashioned, but I like a guy who doesn't get off on demeaning me...
M
xoxo
I'm with you on that one Miss Maya. I had a conversation with the boy about something like this last night. He got his essay questions for his Lit subject and wanted to write on this book that dealt with Sadism (is that how you spell it?)... I didn't know what it was. So he "explained" by enacting whipping me... As you can imagine, I was perturbed and didn't understand what he was doing. So I found out what it meant, was disturbed by it and had to ask that he wasn't into that, right...he isn't.
but back on to topic. Some of those would be very arousing but some would do the complete opposite.
I wish I was there in this conversation...it sounded like fun ;)
Lol! Well...I must admit that I'm not adverse to it getting a bit rough...Though I wouldn't go so far as Sadism, no.
I also wouldn't take the boy's assurance on the whipping thing too seriously just yet C---the very fact that he was prepared to demonstrate at all indicates that there might be something he is hiding.
Best to investigate further before you get too relaxed, or else you might wake one morning to find yourself chained to the bed with the boy straddling you whilst trying to fit a Gimp mask...as difficult as it is to imagine your boy in particular doing this. Though Dirty Jim has all sorts of secrets we don't know about. :)
That conversation would have been right up your alley, I wish you were there too. It was hilarious!
M
xoxo
Thanks Maya for naming names, I was thinking it would be better that way.
However thanks for nothing for naming MY name! Especially seeing I'm not a masochist and don't get off on being in pain. Domination is different to pain you know.
Anyway are you guys really that grossed out by a bit of role play and "whipping"? Most people have seen The Secretary and thought it was hot, even the straight up squares.
Yes, yes, I do exaggerate un peu. I did see the Secretary and it was indeed H-O-T.
SO: sorry Manic, I am prepared to concede that point. :)
But you're not into the pain thing? At all??
M
xoxo
Whats all this about degradation not being hot? Oh come come (watch the pun) now, what is hotter than power, either exercising it or having it wielded on you? I'm not talking necessarily about being physically hurt, but the debasing, using and abusing by or of a loving partner is a lot of fun. You just have to have the right understanding beneath it all, having talked about what you both want, expect and where you would draw the line.
Back to text messages -> it all depends on the communication/conncetion you have with your partner. Sure, getting a 'spunk storm' message from a recently met random would be out of place and possibly a turn-off, but when you've been with someone for awhile, getting all 'corny dirty' can be hilarious and fun, if not altogether arousing (though again it probably could be).
In fact creating purposefully *bad* sexy txts is a skill I'd much admire in a partner. If you could conceive something like this, you have my approval:
My fluffy white buns ache for a pork injection. Afterwards I'd gobble your gilded prawn, still dripping with the sweet n sour sauce of our lovemaking.
Maya, I'm not into pain AT ALL, unless spanking is pain? I don't think it is, but i suppose theres a diff b/w a playful smack and belting the living crap out of someone;)
Stu it doesn't surprise me that your dirty talk refers to Asian food, just like you like your ladies. HEHE.
Ahem. I'd like to add an awesome text I thought up after I left the library yesterday:
I want you to spew jiz into my mouth while you're tasting the sauce dripping from my gaping vagielips.
Now that, my friends, is a dirrrty text.
I feel like all of these messages so far would only appeal to couples of our age. What about the filthy old people? Who EVER thinks of the filthy old people?!? Surely they'd be having trouble enough working out how to use a mobile phone in the first place without the added stress of not know what to say in the dirty txt msg itself. Perhaps something with a gardening theme would help them explore their inner hornbag??? Perhaps:
I want you to plow your trowel deep into the firm soil of my untended veggie patch before spraying your fertilising man mist all over my venus fly trap...
And I just KNOW we could come up with something to do with a 'rosebud' theme.
Let's not be ageist now...
Well that escalated quickly...
Texxxt messaging is a fun way to pass the time. Classy be damned. I mean, if the kid from "Notes On A Scandal" can land Cate Blanchett with the simple message "I've been dreaming about your wet cunt all day miss" [special points for adding the 'miss'] then you must know that a message has great power! Power for making fun mainly, but still...
I'm all for creativity Mills and Boon style and whilst the whole 'I can't wait for you to touch my thighs' type stuff is old hat classic, something along the lines of "I can't wait to plunge my honey-dipped rod into your golden cave" can be just as fun. As they say, sense of humour is everything, and if she/he sticks with you after a bout of saucy, tacky innuendo, maybe someone well get something stuck in their end-o...
Hmmm... honey...
Can't wait for you to spew your worker bees all over my crispy honeycomb?
I'd like to drizzle you in honey and then pop you in the face with my own man-honey?
No, perhaps not, but the idea is there all the same. Work fried brain, can't think of anything that doesn't involve honey...
It's either that or 'I'm going to take you in my arms and plow your box until it's rotten with damp.'
Ew ok, not a good frame of mind I'm in...
Oh and I'm with Manic on the differences between pain and a bit of 'rough play'. Hmm Now I do sense a blog post coming on... or is that a bulge in my pants?
Yes I shall stop now...
OK after all that courting, I'm going to need some alone time---just me, a USB slot (Leah's been teaching me her tricks) and some angry bees who like it rough.
You guys (Chox included) certainly know how to woo a girl...
M
xoxo
Honey, Dean? Well i don't judge but i must say i'm intrigued by your fixation with the bee secretion. (secretion, i thought that was an appropriate term).
Rough play and pain are different, and i am all for rough play - but then who isn't?
And i am no ageist so keep 'em coming Miss M.
Here are a couple of fun additions i may or may not have been sent in the past (since doing the post its been on my mind and new and remembered ones keep popping up).
I'm not as hairy as Robert De Niro,not as strong as Arnold Schwarzenegger and not as handsome as Mel Gibson...but I lick like Lassie.
If u cry,I cry..If u laugh,I laugh..If ur happy,I am too..If ur sad,I am too..if ur horny,call me!
why am I so tempted to txt one of those to Dirty Jim... But he has no idea about this discussion and will probably avoid me for a long time..
would be hilarious...
Here's one I may or may not have heard recently...
"I want plunge my Goblet of Fire into your Chamber of Secrets"
Ahem. Yes.
Hahahaha!
Tash that's the best yet! And i'm not sure if that's because you draw popular children's literature into it or that you write it with such humility!
Love you hun!
Caruialeil---a close relative of the dirty text message is the email simile (which can also be sent via text msg if you're feeling particularly lazy and uninspired). It might be a good way to ease Dirty Jim into the whole telecommunications smut thing. SO you could always try a few and work your way up (or down):
--You're like gasoline: starts fires that are hard to put out
--You're like a nice shirt: best when cuffed and pressed.
--You're like motor oil: you can't lubricate an engine without it
--You're like peanut butter: I just can't wait to spread you
It disturbs be to see such a lovely young couple keep their sexual relationship so clean.
We'll get you both nice and dirty yet!
M
xoxo
OOOh the simile game is a fun one to play. So many allusions, so little time!
I like you like my hardcover books: Bound and wide open
I like you like I like my DVDs: Cheap and used
I like you like I like my farms: Dirty and ready to be plowed
I like you like my grass: Recently trimmed and comfy to lie on
Or for the more nerdly types:
I like women like my DNA: Chained and in pairs
I like you like my Apple Mac IIE: Press to turn on and low on memory.
I like you like my Star Wars Prequels: Looks great and has George Lucas fucking it over.
Ok maybe I need to stop now... next thing you know I'll be looking up Harry Potter Slash-fiction...
one i text i find always work in terms of gettign the guy over in under 10 mins to your house is 'cum and fuk me. not in that order'.
ps my blog moved. so readjsut your link
to politicspoliticspolitics.blogspot...
Oh K! You really are a smooth talker aren't you? Though you'd want to be careful not to send that to the wrong number in your phonebook...or would you??? It could be like a lucky dip if used to its full potential...
M
xoxo
lucky dip- i can work with that. 'feeling lucky, want to take a lucky dip?'
k
lets not forget:
"i put my hand in his meat! and it was juicy...."
Little Z---that was nasty!!
But I agree, anything involving juiciness/sauce is usually a sure fire hit.
M
xoxo
P.S. I'll stop commenting now Leah I promise, can you tell I have two essays to write???
my ultimate fear in all this would be the when I would get lazy and non chalant, hit the wrong sender by accident, and send a text msg like this to my boss or dad or someone equally as humilating...
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