Phobia. The irrational fear of something. Now i have never claimed to be a wholly rational person, often it can be claimed that i am not even remotely rational and i am fine with that since to me my irrationality is perfectly normal and understandable and just who i am. A result of Leah logic if you like. That said I do not have any irrational fears of the usual kind. Spiders, heights, enclosed spaces, wide open spaces, the dark, germs and bunny rabbits. None of these regular and even popular phobias effect me in any way, in fact i quite like all of the above things.
I do have an irrational hate. I am not afraid of them but they do make me shiver and gag in revulsion and I'd rather be in a pit of scorpions than be on the receiving end of someone who likes the damned things. Yes, feet. I can't stand the ugly things. I absolutely hate feet and especially anything to do with them sexually. I don't care how perfect a guy may be if he starts paying attention to my feet then i will run away and never look back. Urgh. *shudders involuntarily at the image*. I think that is why i have such a fondness for shoes. They cover your feet. They make them pretty. Yes, i do love shoes.
However Wednesday night i was reminded of my phobia. The phobia i had long repressed and that not many people knew i even had. My totally irrational, clinically recognised phobia. Wednesday night was Dean's birthday (happy birthday Dean darling) and to celebrate there was a little shin-dig at The Laundry on Johnston St. This was all fine. I got dressed up, i went to The Laundry and i had a few laughs with friends. Then we went upstairs to partake in Karaoke.
That's right, Karaoke. That's when things got hard for me.
If Karaoke is ever mentioned or suggested to me i will intantly reply that i don't like Karaoke. Captain Subtext would very easily be able to tell you that what i'm really saying is that i go cold and clammy all over at the mere thought of watching Karaoke, that i'm absolutely terrified of participating in the activity and that if anyone i know participates i have to leave the room before i have a seizure. Captain Subtext would tell you that by "don't like" i actually mean "acute phobia of".
So there i was on Wednesday night having to face my fear. I couldn't get incredibly druk because i was driving and i didn't want to make a scene because it wasn't my party (if anyone had a right to make a scene it was Dean, his party, his scene). So i decided to suck it up and try to deal. I actually did alright. I think. Except people seemed to notice that i wasn't dealing as well as everyone else. Especially when someone suggested i sing, or demanded i sing and i completely shut down and bluntly refused. I even tried to watch instead of hiding up the back and trying to drown out the singing by talking. Dean went first and since the firs 1min 57seconds was instrumental i was fine and quite enjoyed Dean's dancing. But when he started to sing i had to leave. It only got worse. No one could actually sing, or even tried to actually sing and when Karina, Maya and Seb got up and did "Like a Virgin" by Madonna i was so mortified with embarrassment for them and horrified at having to witness it that i almost stopped breathing.
I just want to make it clear: I was not forced or tricked into going to Dean's thing at The Laundry and i knew they were planning to do Karaoke. I went of my own will. I think i thought i should be ok, that it wouldn't be that bad and that it had been so long since i'd been anywhere near Karaoke (the last time that i remember was when i was 12) that maybe i was just overreacting. I was wrong. And i apologise to those who got concerned, and for leaving early (at about 11.30 i couldn't take any more) and i thank both Maya for looking after me and Dean for letting me not sing.
This is why the movie i absolutely cannot watch is "Duets" and not some horror flick, movie horror is fine, true horror is watching someone totally humiliate themselves as they butcher a song infront of a live audience.
13 comments:
maybe midgets??
(not bunnies)
we can work this out... its getting earie whats this cheery singing all about?
Oh honey, the post in itself was a brave step for you simply because it required reliving the night all over again. And while we have already spoken at length about this subject and you know that you have my full support in this, I thought I needed to do my part to help you via online channels as well as in person.
Indeed, I think we've all got our fair share of irrational phobias/fears/hatreds so I know that your beef with karaoke is not something that is going to be easily resolved/rationalised away in the space of one short comment (who am I kidding? My comments are never short...)
But if your phobia genuinely stems from a fear of self-inflicted humiliation, then perhaps your conception of humiliation is in fact an inaccurate one. Did someone say definitions? I think they did Maya! So:
---Humiliate (v): To lower the pride, dignity, or self-respect of someone.
---Humiliate (v): To deprive of esteem, self-worth, or effectiveness.
Both of these definitions seem to infer that the act of humiliation is one where the subject personally feels somehow less from the experience. But can this really be said of karaoke? I don't think so. Certainly those who made it onto the stage on Wednesday night, particularly the repeats offenders (or karaoke whores if you prefer *cough* Dean *cough*) will tell you that it is a strangely liberating experience. No one tries to sing, because the singing is almost not the point. In fact, I guarantee you that if someone had set foot on that stage and tried to hit every key change and maintain a perfect verbrato throughout, it is THEY who might have looked like a bit of a dill. It would have been embarassing that they were taking the singing component of karaoke so seriously. I certainly would have cringed.
And while I could not say that I personally 'enjoyed' my time on stage due largely to the fact that I was a karaoke virgin until Wednesday making the whole experience somewhat awkward and rushed, when we finished our song there was a strangely satisfying feeling of having conquered a fear by doing something so ridiculously uninhibited.
No one decides to participate in karaoke without an awareness of this 'conquering a fear' element. Perhaps some are less inhibited than others in the first place, but all know that this is something that they wouldn't usually do. As such, while watching someone murder Aretha Franklin's 'RESPECT' may not be all that entertaining if you don't know the person, chances are that the person on stage is getting more out of it than you are. That said, once you acknowledge that the participant is actually getting something from the experience, it can be a hoot to watch your friends one by one make their contribution to the karaoke gods. Whether it is the perplexingly hipnotic dancing of your boyfriend, or the seemingly impossible hip gyrations of one of your female friends, I think we learn things about those close to us through karaoke that we wouldn't have otherwise known.
Which is why I think karaoke is a bonding experience, not a singing experience.
I won't lie, alcohol has a huge part to play. However, if your phobia ultimately stems from the humiliation factor, then it might be necessary to confront the limitations of this reasoning.
Great post dearest---very brave and I can't thank you enough for simply showing up on Wednesday (it still baffles me why you didn't run screaming from the building).
M
xoxo
can you include your contact (e-mail)in your profile?
Who are you asking Anonymous, me or Leah? And who are you for that matter?? :)
'Tis all quite mysterious you know,
M
xoxo
leah, gosh all these years and i had no idea, what a strange phobia- at least it's kinda interesting, unlike mine, and at least you didnt cry (unlike me). maya is that a comment or a blog entry disguised as a comment?
xxxx
Annon. who the f#!* are you?? Despite what you may have heard i do not give out my contact deets if i don't even know your name (i learnt that lesson the hard way). So next time sign your comment and i'll give you an email address.
Kisses, L.
i object to the fact that what me and maya did was 'butchering' in terms of songs- it was more like 'slice dice and chop' sorta action
k
oh leah, i am sorry that you had to sit through something that you absolutely hate.
I am not a fan of karaoke either. I guess, I come from the different perspective of someone who feels like they have to dumb down their singing when invited to Karaoke events and is demanded to sing.
Mmm one point I make here is the fact that the microphones that they have in karaoke joints are deliberately set so that everyone sounds bad. The awful reverb and echo does not make anyone's voice sound "good". Also the keys that the songs are set in are awful and no real person can sing them well. And really, singing well is not the point of karaoke. I think its about having an opportunity to get up and make a fool of yourself and its ok. Though have to say people shouldn't pick songs that they don't know back to front.
I am not saying all this to say "leah snap out of your random phobia" but maybe that karaoke isn't such a scary thing when you break it down.
(this comment probably didn't make much sense at all, sorry ~ )
As much as I'd like to say I'm sorry for subjecting you to such horrors, I'm really not. I'm just glad your shiny-ass made the trip. The fact that a little part of you died that night is all the more reason to be thankful. I'll treasure that foreverrrrrrrrrrr...
Such utterly idiotic fun.
HEY-let's not forget Seb's role in the whole carving incident! But seriously, I think our main problem was, as Caruialeil said, we didn't know the song backwards. In fact, we barely knew any of the words apart from 'like a virgin, touched for the very first time' LET ALONE melody or timing or anything complicated like that.
Did you only choose the song because it related to virgins???
Me thinks so...;)
Karina brought the bread knife, Maya brought the meat cleaver and Seb brought the chainsaw.
But I can totally relate to that phobia. It took 3 pints and a whole lotta loyalty to Dean, and two friends to lead the way before I set foot on that stage.
'Like a Virgin' raped, murdered and choppped up into little bits. But probably not for the very first time.
I can completely relate to the Karaoke phobia, I can't understand why people enjoy watching other people butcher songs, or enjoy embarrassing themselves while they butcher a song.
Luckily I was not at The Laundry to experience this, this was because I was not invited for some reason. Thanks, Dean real considerate of you. Although as it turned out, I would've given it a miss.
Let's start a Karaoke phobia support group. I'll bake cookies...
HEY! Invite was sent to all, including you. So shush your complaining woman. Nice to know you wouldn't come anyways though. I'm sure it would've been pure pain singing 'Candy' by Mandy Moore, as I undoubtedly would have tried to make you do.
For serious
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